On the 20th week of our pregnancy, I sat in the church hall, took out a pen and paper and wrote exactly what I was feeling. Here goes:
It remains a difficult reality to adjust to- the reality of motherhood. Mother– the true carrier and nurturer of humanity as we know it. Human– male and female, wandering the earth in all its splendor. Before their very perfection, we- their mothers, carried then birthed them. For 40 weeks they literally form part of us, existing only through us. They are because we are. Blessed with the physical ability to carry two heartbeats. In other circumstances, we can carry up to 10 heartbeats. All in a single body, the body of a mother.
Tshimo, you exist because I exist. The very breath you take is the result of a blessing immeasurable by man. God thought I was worthy. Worthy to carry the heartbeat of the very person who will one day refer to me as ‘mom’. Right now, you are my entire reason to be. One day you will be a grown woman and I’ll be your entire reason to be.
We hit our halfway mark today. In 20 more weeks (or as I thought), we will officially meet. I will most probably cry like I’ve never cried before because I wouldn’t have experienced the depth of love that strong. A product of true, unbiased and selfless love. I will cry even more when I hear you cry. And as I welcome our Genesis into the world, I will exhale deeply from anticipation because I have been waiting for you for 33 weeks because for 7 weeks you were a mystery to me.
You will know me immediately because for months on end you and I were joined as one. You will love me because in my eyes you will see what true love is. You will learn humanity from the breasts that will feed you. You will have your father’s eyes and your mother’s smile. You will be perfectly made with unconditional love. Love founded on God and nothing else. Love that learned humility from the darkest place. Love that refused to break.
You will feel the warmth of this world in your father’s arms. You will not feel the degree of that safety anywhere else. Only in the arms of your father will you know, with no uncertainty, that you are a blessing like no other. Mom will teach you to speak your truth for nothing else will set you free. Dad will remind you that you are his princess, but God loves you even more. He will teach you to love God above all else, and your neighbor as yourself. Mom and Dad will tell you every day how beautiful you are. Your beautiful eyes are going to tell a story.
20 more weeks my beautiful Tshimo. 20 weeks of floating in that amniotic fluid with zero worries. 20 more weeks of kicking your 1st first friend- mom. Lord knows I cannot wait to meet you. I hope you are as eager to meet me.
See you in 20.
Love, Mom <3
Thank you for sharing this journey with me 🙂